I can't hear through my left ear anymore. Well okay it'll probably fade later on but right now all I hear is a dimmed ringing. Last night Me Lucy Ash Missa And Jemma headed into town to see Paramore + YM@6 and it was freakin' awesomsauce. Wow. Like seriously it was freakin' awesomeee. We started to que at like 2 and doors weren't open until half six so we were all kidding around and chatting then Mr. Security man comes along and moves us, then does it twice more.No one was technically getting hurt from what we could see but still. But then we started to sing and really got people going and it was so cool. Then when we got in Cliff rang me and asked if we got into then pit, I said yes and we were untied with them for the night. I didn't like the two support bands before YM@6 cause they were kinda bring and blah-ish. Then when they came on I was all "Ahhhhh omg" like if you didn't know it was a Paramore show you would have sworn it was their show. Woo. Then we saw the green tshirt guy that we saw in the que and I was like "OMGJIZZ" Selfcontrol was definately needed. See I have a lil bit of a thing for scene/emo boys, don't ask me why but I just do. The amount of then there was like a zillion. I was like "Hell Yes". Then we were outside and I saw Richie was like "I know him that's Richie..."Heyyy Richie!!". He called me George. Why? My name is not meant to be abbreviated. Aw well, he's cool anyway so I guess its kaykay. Incase he gets a link to this, Richie's awesomeee :)
But onto a sadder note, I'm alone for Christmas. Yet a-fucking-gain. I hate this whole being long-term single thing. I sucks major bals. Like seriously? I actually fucking hate this. I'm not like, that bad of a person in all honesty. I'm not a horrible person I guess. But jesus I'd really just like the get a clear cut sentence of what in god's name is so fucking unlikeable about me? I'm not initimdating, well not really, I just hate the fact of like ughh I dont even know. That's how bad I am now. I don't even know how to put into words just how much I hate being single grrrrr. Just like on a relationshippy scale type thing I see my friends like in relationships and actually having people like them and then I look at mine and like almost cry. Its a such a feeling of rejection and lonliness, not like cause I have no friends, I do. I gots lots. And I love them all. But like boys wise I makes me feel so shitty cause its like nobody likes me... like.that.
Just had dinner, nomnomnom. I love winter dinners, they always taste nicer for some reason. I cannot be bothered studying. At all. Like ughh. Seriously. It's 5th year. Nobody studies in 5th year. Teachers need to STFU about studying. I'll do it all next year. Ughh. I'm so cracky today after the concert. No idea why. I'd normally go asleep around 1-ish on the weekends anyway. Blehh. Do not care at all.
Woke up this morning in the presence of silence. It was so peaceful and quiet. You would have heard a pin drop. It was so different compared to the normal hum of the TV in the sitting room and the noises in the kitchen of people talking or cooking etc. Total silence. It used to freak me out but now it's just like a comforter for me or something,.It's as though silence is an old friend who calms you, relaxes you but in the best of times puts me in a trance. That's why I love when teacher's tell everyone in a class to be quiet.
It's like a blanket of silence just falls over the room.
Well, wasn't that a happy post just there? Again I won't apologise for anything I write on this cause I clearly write it for a reason. I know I did rip myself apart slightly but I was in a shit mood anyway so I figured I may aswell have a go at myself while I feel that way. So I did and I don't care what you think. However it was nice for those of you who read to be all concerned about me, but I'm fine now. Trust me. Just having a low-self-esteem day. As always. But I don't feel I went too far cause believe me I can say alot worse about myself. I won't though. Cause then I just get angry with myself and the world etc.
So Christmas in exactly 24days. Thanks to the wonderful countdown clock present in the top right corner of Magic [the music channel]. Asked my mam if I could have my Downhill ticket and the Paramore ticket for christmas cuase it would rouchly round to like 50 euro so I dont really see a problem? But I have to pay her back for the Downhill ticket and Paramore is part of my Christmas present so.. I suppose thats ... kinda fair..?
Jut realised how easily I get distracted. Haha. It's a wonder how I survive at all in school. Facebook refuses to crop a picture for me and is being really mean. Its a pic of me and Efa and it refuses to crop. Grrr facebook.
Been flooded in now. How delightful. Not so much fun, and It ihnk I'm coming down with a cold. Fuck sake. I wa going grand there for a while. Wasn't sick, really, people had calmed down about getting sick, life was chilled, now what? Floods all over the fucking country and people getting sick all over again. I guess its what makes the news. I probably sound like a hearltess bitch saying that but ah well. I am absolutely loving Jimmy Eat World's debut album right now. I've had it for ages but I've just left it on play for a while now and it's really cool. Some songs are angry and grr at the world and others all like "girls are bitches boys feel it too" kinda shit. It's really cool. Bit of random input there.
Thinking of New Year Resolutions I could make all day. I could have a go at losing weight again, but I know that's just gonna fail anyway so why bother trying? I could do an early one and just not eat as much at Christmas so I don't out on that Chgristmas fat that does not budge. Ever. I could do that actually, just ration what I eat but like I'd still eat cause I do love food. I don't think I'd ever like.. not eat. It's too weird. Haha. Oh god. Teenage insecurities what? Nah seriously, I think in the new year I'll paint my room a dark blue progressing lighter.. I planned this on the phone with my dear friend Cliff the other night. [ily dude ♥] He said he'll help. I might do it over Easter break. Two weeks of fuck all to do so why not? So yeah I'll paint my room, maybe dye me hair super dark brown.. or black? I want my ear pierced like 3 or 4 more times so I'll get that done too. I want to try a new make up thing, like random colours on my eyes or something. I might start wearing skirts if I actually get serious about toning my legs and maybe I'll have the confidence to wear them again? Haha. Me? Confidence? Nahhh. Next year had better be good. Getting skin treated. Woo. I should do something weird and crazy, get rid of the "Happy girl" label thats been dubbed to me. Like okay its good to be known as the "happy girl" and whatever but I wanna break out of that. Try something new, might get a secret tatoo.. ooh the scandal! Haha. Ahh we'll see. New Year, completely new me. Hopefully.
Relatively short post this isn't it?
Paramore next Saturday Woooooooo! I'm so excited. Have to give Lucy dear the money tomorrow. I'm so freakin excited. Gonna get some posters soon too. Moved my room around so Now I've got like Two half blank walls now above my bed. Need band posters to fill it. I've only heard from him but I totally wish I had Cliff's room. Me and him had a great oul chat there saturday night. He;s so awesome. Has like over 100 posters? Dude. Jealous? Me? Um.. Yes! lol.
I might start writing songs or poetry or something. Just as another outlet. Just might not share it all. Some. Not all.
Well I'm off, make some lunch and that.
Comment please..Tote social fail for me if you don't.
I'll start by not apologising for my previous post. I was really upset over loads of shit last night and I literally just felt a weird need to write it all down by any means and I don't own a diary so I figured blog is best. So if you were scared or startled by it. I'm not sorry because I do feel alot better so calm the fuck down.Seriously. Blogs are for writing out how you feel so whatever get over it. I warned you at the start in black bold writing that it was dramatic. So shush if you've got negative things to say. It's nice to know of the people who read it asked me if I actually was okay. One person even said to me "Don't bullshit". But honestly after that last post I do feel a good bit better.So I'm not apologising, just to be clear. I'm merely explaining the main upsetting bit of the post.
Read Lucy's blog this morning, again, big big shout out to her cause here blog is so fucking awesome. Her link is in the links section. Just go and readit. It's so fucking amazing. I predict some big big things for her as regards literature. Oh and she's prettyful too. That's just a natural beauty and like grr envy at her for natural beauty.
Music on in the backround is a bitta Owl City. They are so very chilled. I have fallen asleep many a times listening to them. Favouite songs by them are maybe Dear Vienna or Fuzzy Blue Lights. Lalalalaaaa haha. I'm so weird.
Watched Xfactor last night. Was fairly okay. The twins did I'm your man.Lyod butchered his song. I was like nooo go back home you lil eoghan quigg wannabe. Sheesh. Like the twins are enertainment but Lyod is actually only still there for his looks. That why. He can't actually sing. Sorry. Joe was awesome. Now I've loved Joe since the start and it was awesome when he was all like "wooooo lalalaaaa" last night I was like Ahh don't jizz. Haha.
I had a lovely real hot shower this morning and was like yay. I stood under the nozzel and just let the roasting hot water stream over my face. It reminded e of the showers you get in hotels that aren't power shower and it also reminded me of the rain in the summer when it was unpredictable when there was one day people in our group just gave up and didnt care.
Parentals are not letting m out on Sundays anymore, like not out properly but like I think if I'm going to someones house then it's okay. So to bend that rule Cliff asked me if I wantd to chill in his house next Sunday so yeah I think I will. Cause we can have nutella and toast and popcorn and nutella. Cliff's awesome. Don't know if he nows I have a blog but yeah. Should he stumble across it one day there's his shout out.
Should really make a start on my homework but like ughh effort.
Shout to Efa aswell cause she's just awesome and is all concerned haha.
Anywhoo bloggers and blog-readers or people I've given links to, I'm off.
Well aren't you a nice lil stalker for reading my blog? Only joking :) Seriously thanks. Maybe just leave a comment. otherwise you leave me with a feeling of total blog fail which means my blog sucks. nice job. Haha. Gotta be cruel to be kind. So today was good, met up with Efa and Lucy. Walked down to the playground and couldnt find anyone until we were walking past Castle Village then we saw Ste and Chris and people who i actually couldn't see cause my eyes are stupid and I'm like semi-blind. Haha. But yeah we like hugged and then they went to Chris's house and we went to Aisling house and we sat in Aisling's kitchen for like and hour and a half just having a good oul chat. Lol. Eating barbeque tortillas. Yum. Teenage insecurtities. Not planning on doing anything stupid calm downnnn! People worry about me too much. I'm grand. this is just a teenage insecurity paragraph so scroll right past it xD.......................................... :) I feel so fat today like its actually ridiclous.Today I ate like, cereal, 2 animal bars, big ass bar of aldi chocolate, loadsa tortilla chips and like then i went home and ate more. Fat? Ha. Yes. Like i know i'm not the skinniest of all girls but its these days where i realllly wish i was like the majority of girls who can eat like a fucking horse and not gain a pound. Its so upsetting. I hate my body. Grr at mother nature for making me like this. And like some little fucker on my bus implied i was fat this week and like he's not exactly Brad Pitt himself so I don't know where he thinks he gets off talking to me like that. I know I'm fat. Diets are just too fucking hard. Fair play to the girls who are like totally motivated to stay on them. But I just can't do them. Evidently. Hate my body. Hate that i've put on weight since i went back to school. Hate that i thought I could actually keep off the stone and a half that I lost during the summer. I'll shut up now. Blahhhh.
It's so difficult liking someone who you dont know if they like you back. It's like..everytime I see a person that I like quiet a bit like I try and just keep as cool and calm as I can and usually it works out well. But like I hate being the one that always has to make the conversation. Like hello? Conversation works two ways. I thought myself I was pretty easy going and easy to talk to but evidently not cause the person that I do like seems to see the opposite. Lie i'm not an intimidating person. I'm very chiled like seriously? Just chill and talk to me. I won't bite. Unlesss.... ;)
Last night was really funny. In YC we had to do like a mini-talent show. It was..entertaining. When it came our turn, [jonny lcy and yours truly] we decided to sing Ignorance by Paramore and I thought "This will be fine, I know the song" and we started off grand but then Jonny went off time and I was like oh shit and Lucy was like "He's off time" so we tried to pick it up. realising just how badly we were failing. Jonny stops playing. Looks at me and Lucy. Says "when in doubt--Wonderwall". Diarmuid comes up cause he knows the song to help us out. Jonny breaks out into the Wonderwall intro. I blanked on lyrics but picked it up mid-verse and we got everyone singing. It was humilialting yet oh so hilarious. Couldn't believe we did it.
Gonna watch Xfactor tonight with the little sister, parentals are heading out. It has totally become a guilty pleasure of mine since the second series sorry. Just watching the auditions [ the bestest part] and then the live shows and judging people is entertainment in itself, then of course we have the judges comments and judging the judges. That's ironic. Yeah. Can't wait to see Jedward. Should be interesting if what the news headlines are saying is true...we'll see later on I guess.
