"I was Dreamer before you went and let me down...."
-Taylor Swift - White horse
[Written on Thursday]
It's so painfully cold outside. It's days like this where I'm thankful for the fact that I come into a warm house and I've got a family and stuff like that. Coincidentally it's Thanksgiving this week. Happy Thanksgiving to random readers from America. Haha, as if anyone from the vast country of America would actualy read this lil thing. No.
Got dreadful pains in my stomach/general abdominal area. Don't know what it is. I feel like I could get sick but I won't and its really uncomfortable and painful. Ow. Ow. Ouch. It's really sore anywhoo.
I like Thursdays. I think they're very chilled. Time table is quite nice and relaxed. Nothing too major. Chemistry last class which I love. IT and Religion middle of the day which is great cause I just get to sleep like right through them. Today I found out we get a Religion Christmas text. What?!
[Written on Friday]
This blog is way overdue. Ah well. Interruptions and lack of proper writing momentum interferes with it all. Went to yc tonight. Cause its Friday. This week sucked major donkey balls. There was hardly anyone there. This blog was originally started on... Thursday. Ah well. Still have them abdomin pains and I am sorta concerned but at the same time I'm tryna stay calm cause like I guess worrying isnt exactly going to help.
[Written on Saturday]
Gave my mom my christmas list there the other night. Like a tiny lil A6 page with 4 things on it. Phone, iTunes giftcard, this boots hair trimmer thingy and surprises. If any. I love christmas though, for al the cliché reasons like the all day fires, the atmosphere, the way its the only time of year our house gets more than one visitor a day on most occaisions, the stinging of the colder air in the mornings on my bare face as I wait for the bus or the smell of the evergreen and the inevitable trail it will leave behind it when you bring it in the house.
I'd love a necklace like that. [Totally not hinting or anything.] It's just so simple and sweet but with the right outfit it could make such a statement.
[**WARNING: I GET REALLY MEAN ON MYSELF HERE SO DON'T READ IT IF YOU DONT WANT TO. AND IF YOU'VE GOT NEGATIVE THINGS TO SAY YOU CAN SHOVE THEM UP YOUR ASS CAUSE I DON'T CARE**]
Ugh, I could just go on a huge "Boys are stupid assholes" type rant but that section of my life is just so focking dull right now. So here's my view on myself. Ugh. Like seriously? Like most of the time I only get attention from lads if they just take me as a mate or if they're taking the piss. It's not fair, been happening since first year and I really and truly sick of it altogether. I get I'm not the prettiest of all girls, I'm not the skinniest, I'm not the funniest, I'm not the dream girl that most lads have in mind but like I'm just so sick of it just being so same story all the fucking time. I know that I overthink the littlest things but like I can help it? It upsets me so much that I'm 16 and have only have one boyfriend. One. It makes me feel so rejected and not right in some way. I try to put on this little act that most people believe and it's great cause I dont have to explain why I'm sad on the inside all the fucking time. It's just a general feeling of lonliness I guess. Even with the first fella I had it wasn't really even a proper relationship it was a week that I got to see him twice in. Now when I see him I just don't know what to say or anything it makes me feel so shit about myself that I fucked it up. I know it was my fault I know it was so don't anyone try tell me different. I wish I didn't hate myself so much. I wish I had some sort of confidence to work with. I wish I wasnt so fucking quiet sometimes.
I must try work on happier posts but its pretty difficult when in my head all I can think of is someone going "stop fucking bragging about your life" and besides its way easier to be down on yourself than it is be kind to yourself. I admire those who have confidence.
But yeah I'm gonna go now.
Comment please.
Georgia .x.
Labels: abdomin pains, Christmas, cold weather, selfhatred
