"To wash away what happened last,
Hide behind and empty face,
Don't ask too much the same,
Cause this is just a game"
Hide behind and empty face,
Don't ask too much the same,
Cause this is just a game"
-30 second to mars - A Beautiful Lie
Well well loyal readers and awkward stalkers or if you've simply just been told by me to read this then thanks for stopping by and taking your sweet time to read this. Much appreciated.
Hmm, school today was same ol' same ol' except Elise and Hazel were out and I was all sad and lonesome. But like my minds elsewhere lately so I only really noticed in like Irish and at Lunch and that. But yeah, I think after those two big rants of post and me moaning about myself and blah blah etc. I think I feel minutely better. Religion was good today we were made draw out the "five wells of well-being" and I thought oh great here we go but I was actually intrugied [I've never spelt that word correctly btw] at the way it showed my how as much emotional support I have in my life lie I've got good friends and family behind me, it showed me just how academically strong I am. For instance, I filled that well, like literally I was writing stuff around it. Then it came to the spritiual one and I am not a spiritual person whatsoever so I thought "oh here we go this one is gonna be empty" but we were told we could fill it with song names or whatever and make it not directly to God and blah blah blah.
Teacher's strike today, went out to peeps and hung out in the coffeshop/bakery for like half an hour then chilled in tesco and aldi and the playground. Then Danny had to leave and it took so much for me to not break down there and then so I ended up crying just as I walked into my house. Cried in my room for like 45-50 minutes and just couldn't stop. As weird and sappy as that sounds I don;t honestly care. That's the way it affecting me. Then I get this overwhelming sense of numbness and I feel emotionless for the next while. Getting better at the silent crying thing. Kinda happy with it. The only real noise I make is when I'm breathing in or out.
I found this little jem on google images thanks to the wonderful inspiring poetry of Ms Emily Dickinson. Poem entitled
"Hope" is a Thing with Feathers
I didn't really wanna use the metaphore used in the poem of a bird so I just googles the word hope and 5 pages of weird images later:
We got soaked in the rain today, apart from those who had hoodies or rain jackets. I however was soaked to the bone, my legs still have only partial feeling. It was a good day though that's the thing. Some people are like how can you just walk around the rain? The thing about me is that I hate not going out. I get so bored and I always feel like I'm missing something good. I love walking around in rain, there's something really calming about it. I don't know if it's just the sound of car tyres sliding over the saturated roads or if its the way if your crossing a dark road in the rain and you look just off centre of a car's headlight and you can see each singular drop of rain pass through that beam of light like little teardrops washing over the face of the lightbeam. It's so strange. But I'm a bit strange in fairness. I don't honestly know what it is but I really do love walking around in the rain. Provided I'm wearing my gloves of course. My hands are always cold. But then I love the serene calmness after a really heavy rainfall. It's so peaceful and quiet. I love that. I know how strange I am in that sense.
I realise recently I've gone a bit FML but I don't really care. I call it a lapse in optimism. I can't be fucking happy all the time. Chill the fuck out if I'm a bit quieter than usual. I obviously fucking know. Maybe I have shit going on in my head tht I don't want the whole world to know? Don't think I'm getting hypocritical, cause I know I can get kinda deep on my blog but that's my choice. I write what I feel is okay to tell people. So seriously chill. I'm okay. But for those who are concerned. [small number but still all the same] Thanks for caring. Some people do the "care to be polite" approach but like I see right through you don't think you fool me. I know who actually cares and who doesn't. So seriously don't ask me if I'm alright unless your up for an earful.
I like this post. I know that sounds weird to say but its like I've been writing for ages when I haven't really, just needed to finish this post cause I started it last night. I hate leaving little drafts.
Anywhoo I'm gonna leave it there. Probably get the compulsory need to post tomorrow.
Comment please...
Georgia .x.
Labels: hope, rain, School, strike
